š« Good morning, dollest of dolls. Todayās post is a little different. In it, I share a recap of what Insecure Tea has been so far, and shed light on some exciting new features, for those of you who decide to upgrade to a paid subscription. A lot of you are new here, and Iām so happy to have you! š«
Origin Stories
Three months of Tea. My cup runneth over. This journey has been unexpected and enlightening. Over the course of thirteen posts, Iāve tackled disenchanting American holidays, tested my hand at downtown cultural commentary, tested my hand at hand modeling, workshopped some theories about modern sexlessness, and more.
In the process, I have gradually refined the meanings and motivations behind this project. It reminds me of something my friend said recently about how sometimes your body makes a decision before your mind fully understands why.
Bizarrely enough, the name came before I realized that all of this writing reflected on insecurity. I canāt tell if this is a chicken-or-egg moment or a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I started, I presumed that Insecure Tea was pretty much a catchy but meaningless pun. On my original About page, I wrote the following:
If you know me well or have read any of my previous stuff, you can glean that Iām grossed out by the way creators have to self-promote to stay afloat. All of my writing-related social posts are shrouded with sheepish, self-deprecating remarks. The world doesnāt need another godforsaken newsletter, but I like the thought that my blurbs can be delivered directly to the inboxes of consenting individuals with minimal social media machinations.
At the end of July, I did some reflecting and realized that this description didnāt capture my project entirely. I reworked the language thusly:
Insecure Tea grapples with the insecurities of enduring oneās mid-twenties; the insecurities of living in and on the internet; the insecurities of the nyc downtown scene. And, it has a soundtrack!
At first, I thought I started this newsletter to escape the endless cycle of self-promotion and clout-chasing thatās inextricable from any creative pursuit. In the past, my writing-related social posts were shrouded with sheepish, self-deprecating remarks. I liked the thought that my words could be delivered directly to the inboxes of consenting individuals with minimal social media machinations.
But, Iāve discovered that this project hasnāt eliminated the need to self-promote. If anything, itās plunged me deeper into sticky webs of internet anxiety, cultural discourse, and depraved podcasts.
It may not be the hottest tea around, but I encourage you to give it a try! Insecurity has a reputation as a shifty feeling, lurking in the corners. Itās often modified and downplayed: āOh, heās just being insecure.ā But, I suggest that itās a powerful and defining characteristic of modern life. Join me as I attempt to apply a steady hand to the bizarre, soul-shaking intricacies of an insecure life.
Iām happy with where my thinking has landed, but I am also excited for it to continue to evolve over time. And, speaking of evolutionā¦
The milk
I put a minimum of 10 hours of active effort into this newsletter each week. This does not count the time I spend āpercolatingā (brooding in coffee shops, taking walks to get my gears turning, daydreaming on the subway). This is no easy task, on top of my full-time day job. As much as this is my passion project, I have realized that I need to evaluate my time or prioritize building my portfolio on other platforms. So, that is why today I am launching paid options.
Even as my audience has grown, it is important to me that my best work remains ad-free, and accessible to anyone who wants to read it. Even though I am adding a paywall, I will not be removing anyoneās ability to read my weekly long-form newsletters. Hence, the cow metaphor.
Upgrading to a paid subscription will definitely get you perks, but more than anything it is a commitment to a value. Paying for Insecure Tea is a vindication that the time that creators spend on their craft is valuable, and that good writing that is produced without the influence of ads and top-down influences should exist. So, while paid subscribers WILL receive bonus material that is not available to free subscribers, more than anything you would be thanking me for the time I spend on my artistic calling.
I am offering paid subscriptions at a rate of $5/month, or $55/year (12 for the price of 11). You can think of it like buying me coffee once a month, or dinner + a drink once a year. If you really want to be an angel investor, you can become a founding member by choosing a yearly subscription for any price over $55. Founding members will probably get a place on a votive shrine in my apartment where Iāll burn candles for your good health and put hexes on your enemies. Iām still working it out. Whatever you want!
Some paid content that I will be piloting:
Poems
Special illustrations
Voice features
Reading recommendations
Click the button below, to upgrade your subscription today.
KGB*tches
Before we face the musicā¦ I was a guest on Evanaās podcast this week! The pod is for paid subscribers only, but there are whispers that it may become unlocked for your general listening pleasure ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°) Itās 90 minutes of us sipping Diet Coke, red wine, and speaking with no authority on topics such as Rayās, uncanny āfakeā places, and a recent reading we attended at KGB Bar. It was a great time, and you should subscribe to Evanaās excellent newsletter, arbiter of distaste.
5 songs for a paywalled substack
Songs on poverty and expensiveness.
āCoinstar,ā The Growlers
š¶ Come call on me, your cornerstone. Fill me up with all your goals, Iāll run with you, from pillar to post. š¶
āJobless Monday,ā Mitski
š¶ Canāt afford to buy my food / Or the drive I need to go / Further than they said Iād go. š¶
āExpensive Shit,ā Fela Kuti
Fantastic crisp Afrobeats.
š¶ š¶ š¶
āAnything, Anything,ā Dramarama
š¶ Iāll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills, give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills. š¶
āCast No Shadow,ā Oasis
š¶ As he faced the sun, he cast no shadow. š¶
š« Kisses! If you like Insecure Tea, consider upgrading to a paid subscription, sharing my work on social media, or sending a post to a friend who you think would like it. I always welcome any feedback on the format and content of this newsletter. Please know that I am available to answer questions or simply chat about the themes presented here. Send me an email or comment any time. š«